My brain says no but my pants say off.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
