a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
