Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
