This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
