she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
