I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
