Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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