What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
