He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
