so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
