Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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