Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
