so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
