Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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