we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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