Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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