dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
