Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
