remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
