I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
