i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
