I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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