Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
