I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
