I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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