What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
