Someone shit on the floor
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
