I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
