if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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