I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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