when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
