He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
