I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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