What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
