What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
