Ketchup is God's man juice
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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