4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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