I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
