angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
