woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
