he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
