dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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