He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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