my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
