So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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