You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We need to get me chipped asap
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
