mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
