Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
