smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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