I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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