It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
