so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
