Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
