i need an iv and a liver transplant
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
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and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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