I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
