Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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