he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
