Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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