Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hello my rib-scented angel!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
try to milk me bitch
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