they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
