I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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