I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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