This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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