So drunk its hurt
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
