i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
