I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
