WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
