I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
