i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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