Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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