Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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