I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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