I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
