You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
