So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
