if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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