I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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