Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
