Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
