I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
