I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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