So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
