Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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