And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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