I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
