New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
