One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
